Birthday

Ah, birthdays. We all love 'em. Unless you're me, or you're old. And speaking of me, guess who's birthday is coming up? Mine. Yes, mine. This Monday actually. And I bet you're wondering how old I'm gonna be? Well, to bad. I ain't gonna tell you. HAHA! And you really thought I was going to for a second there, didn't you?! Well, I got news for you, I wasn't. But I'm pretty sure you realized that already. You know what? I'm going to be a sweetheart for once and tell you. I'm turning 35. Yup, that's right, 35. You might be thinking "But, she looks so young and stuff for 35!" Well guess what!? It's called surgery.








You're so gullible. I'm not 35. Do I look like I'm that old? You know what? Don't answer that. I've never been 35 and I never will be. Ok, I will be, and I have been. Muahahaha! Confused? Well let me help you. I'm not 35. There, ok? Now we can talk about things of a more important manner. Which means back to my birthday, the most important manner of all. And, yes, it is true, I do not really enjoy them. Why? Because. I'd like it much better if we could just pick a day and decide to be older. Like today, I decide to be 187. Oh yeah, 187. Got a problem with that?? DIDN'T THINK SO. OK, So I'm actually turning 123. I mean 122. OK, fine. I'm turning 12...plus 23. Anyways, today, at 3:00, oh yes, 3:00, I'm going birthday shopping and I'm going to look for sneakers. Beautiful wonderful sneakers that I would wear all the time if I were allowed and nothing but. I think of sneakers as a baby that I would and should love and nourish, read bedtime stories to, and sing lullabies to. OK, not really. I wear them babies out! Like, imagine an out of shape 89 year-old man that just finished running a 20 mile marathon worn out. Give me a pair of sneakers and expect them to have holes in them within a week. Oh, yes. A WEEK. Ok, so I'm really bored now so I'm going to leave and spend my time on something productive *NOT*. Even though we were in the middle of the birthday subject, I'm gonna leave you hangin'. Oh yeah, that's right! HANGIN'! LOSERS! Just kidding! Kind of...Oh, and before I leave I suppose I should tell you how old I am, eh? Ok, I'm-