Muffy the Spider

Hai! What's totally up? Like, like, oh mai gosh! Ok, did you SO see her shoes today? Like, oh mai gosh!
*Shivers* Could you imagine if someone ACTUALLY talked like that? Like, oh mai gosh. I wouldn't be able to take it. Lolz, did you see what I did there? No? Ok, you're loss. So anyways, today we're going to be talking about my good 'ol friend, Muffy the spider. Now, she's not REALLY my friend, she's just something me and my brother made up a loooong time ago *SHE'S NOT REALLY MADE UP AND SHE'S COMING TO RUIN YOUR LIFE* You see, it's a simple story, really. She's a furry little spider named Muffy, who hides under childrens' beds and waits for them to fall alseep. Why does she wait for them to fall asleep? SO SHE CAN EAT THEM! Muahahahaha!
And me and my brother even made a theme song for her! I can't remember it though, so consider yourself lucky. VERY LUCKY. Because I can assure you that if I told you, it would scar you for life and give you terrible nightmares that you couldn't wake up from on your own.
During the daytime though, she was quite friendly. Most times she would make friends with her victims throughout the course of the week and feast on them Sunday night. How, do you ask, does a spider make friends with humans? Well, silly, she invites them in for tea and cookies and asks them about themselves! I know, it seems impossible, but not for Muffy.
Muahahaha! So you better watch out, because Muffy's still around and she's probably waiting under your bed right now! MUAHAHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- AHHHH! MUFFY, NO! NO! NOOOOOO! NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FA-